I love the human experience.
Today he told me "you are the most amazing thing in my life"... More amazing than the sun shivering down beneath the horizon; red and purple? More amazing than the moon floating up, a luminous balloon so large you can reach out and touch it? More amazing than the bright green peeking out of that beautiful brown earth? If I asked him he would say yes.
I love this rushing torrent. I love the needing. I need him. Some days more than others. Some days I can walk and talk and sing and breathe and it's ok... but some days it's such a hunger I have never never known. I am hungry for his touches and his kisses and the way he makes me beg for attention. I am true feminism. I want to please him. I can do anything I want. I can have sex with any man I chose. I am free free free, and I want to fetter myself to him... I want to subjugate myself to him... because it pleases him, and what pleases him pleases me.
I am true feminism. I can have anything I want. I am smart, and funny, and sexy... but above all things I am his and this is what I revel in. That fact is to my mind as velvet to my skin. The most amazing thing...
9.30.2007
9.27.2007
how they met (part 1)
I am now asking couples, when I can remember to, how they met... here are a couple How They Met's for you
Firstly the one I love to say the most...
Firstly the one I love to say the most...
- How Robyn met Ryan...
Robyn was hanging out with a friend who worked at a coffee shop in Deer Park called "Deer Perk" (anyone remember The Perk?) when Ryan came into the shop and showed off for a while... when he decided to leave he jumped into his car and Robyn decided to go with him. His passenger side door didn't work so Robyn jumped through the window of his car and he drove off... and that's how Robyn met Ryan.
Next up some cute (?) kids I met tonight...
- How Rachael met Kody
They met at Taco Bell! She was visiting her friend's church and afterward they went to Taco Bell. She was shy and her friend who went to church with Kody introduced the two of them. I guess they hit it off because they came to dinner with us tonight. And that's how Rachael met Kody.
9.26.2007
Like it was yesterday...
This passage of time... we are rolling the days into autumn... autumn, which always rolls off the tongue much more beautifully than fall... but think of fall, the imagery of it. I like them both I think.
I like that I am a living thing and this gift of smell taste touch feel see is mine to share with so many other beings. I like that the dogs get squirmy and excited when cool fronts blow in, the same way I do. I like the raising of noses to the smell of chocolate cookies.
Julia lives near the bread factory, or rather, it was a bread factory when I was growing up, though now I don't know if it is still the Mrs. Barids factory or not... but early in the morning driving by we would roll the windows down, or maybe, since our cars never worked properly, and they still don't to this day, maybe the windows were already down... and the smell would come curling in. Huge delicious wafts that made you want bread. Made you worship bread. Even if you were not really much of a bread person, like me. It didn't matter. At that moment you needed nothing more in life than bread... at that moment you could understand the Hebrew children thanking god for the manna, the bread, dropping from the sky! What a gift! BREAD! Please god, drop some warm soft bread today for me! You wanted to sleep in a bed made of hot delicious bread rolls...
I remember that so vividly.
That is an amazing thing. I wonder how many other people have similar memories of that bread factory? Of waking up in the morning to smell pure heaven. I wonder. It's something I share with thousands of people probably and I don't even know who they are. It's like having family I've never known... this single thread connecting us... six degrees to the bread factory...
I like that I am a living thing and this gift of smell taste touch feel see is mine to share with so many other beings. I like that the dogs get squirmy and excited when cool fronts blow in, the same way I do. I like the raising of noses to the smell of chocolate cookies.
Julia lives near the bread factory, or rather, it was a bread factory when I was growing up, though now I don't know if it is still the Mrs. Barids factory or not... but early in the morning driving by we would roll the windows down, or maybe, since our cars never worked properly, and they still don't to this day, maybe the windows were already down... and the smell would come curling in. Huge delicious wafts that made you want bread. Made you worship bread. Even if you were not really much of a bread person, like me. It didn't matter. At that moment you needed nothing more in life than bread... at that moment you could understand the Hebrew children thanking god for the manna, the bread, dropping from the sky! What a gift! BREAD! Please god, drop some warm soft bread today for me! You wanted to sleep in a bed made of hot delicious bread rolls...
I remember that so vividly.
That is an amazing thing. I wonder how many other people have similar memories of that bread factory? Of waking up in the morning to smell pure heaven. I wonder. It's something I share with thousands of people probably and I don't even know who they are. It's like having family I've never known... this single thread connecting us... six degrees to the bread factory...
9.21.2007
You can't handle this...
The kiddos are jamming out to The Beatles. I can't describe how cute it is when my four year old runs around singing "we all lived in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine...." Loud and out of tune the way all good singing should be done.
The plants are GROWING!
We decorated for Halloween today. It was my first Halloween decorating experience in a house... actually it's my first Halloween decorating experience EVER. We didn't do it growing up since, as good protestants, we couldn't celebrate SATAN'S BIRTHDAY!!!11 OMG NOES!!!!... but now my parents have converted to Orthodoxy and I am relatively nothing but an agnostic heathen as far as they are concerned, I simply announced last week I was decking the house out for Halloween and that was that. When I was married we didn't make a big deal about it because, well, we were busy serving the lord and couldn't wasted time on frivolities such as handing out candy.
So my parents house is now decked in orange and black with ghosts and skulls and pumpkins. And I enjoyed it. I think Halloween is my favorite time of year... September starts the most wonderful time of year... It's my man-child's birthday, then Halloween/Weenie's birthday, then my birthday, Thanksgiving, then Christmas... pretty good string of happy events.
On a side note, I juiced a PUMPKIN and despite Boyfriend's nay saying it wasn't that bad... it wasn't greeeat, but it really wasn't that bad. I also roasted the seeds and they were DELICIOUS. I'm serious. I like pumpkin seeds from the store, but these were phenomenal. Pretty much the tastiest thing I'd had all week. Do yourself a favor and go buy a small pumpkin... any old pumpkin will do actually... take the seeds and put them in a bowl, pour a tablespoon or so of olive oil, add some salt then roast them in a toaster oven or regular over for about 45 minutes until about half of them are a warm brown color... then take them out... they will be phenomenal. :)
Also might I suggest a tasty MANGO instead of something full of sugar, milk, cream, fat and other things your body doesn't need. Fruit is a better desert than anything in the world.
The plants are GROWING!
We decorated for Halloween today. It was my first Halloween decorating experience in a house... actually it's my first Halloween decorating experience EVER. We didn't do it growing up since, as good protestants, we couldn't celebrate SATAN'S BIRTHDAY!!!11 OMG NOES!!!!... but now my parents have converted to Orthodoxy and I am relatively nothing but an agnostic heathen as far as they are concerned, I simply announced last week I was decking the house out for Halloween and that was that. When I was married we didn't make a big deal about it because, well, we were busy serving the lord and couldn't wasted time on frivolities such as handing out candy.
So my parents house is now decked in orange and black with ghosts and skulls and pumpkins. And I enjoyed it. I think Halloween is my favorite time of year... September starts the most wonderful time of year... It's my man-child's birthday, then Halloween/Weenie's birthday, then my birthday, Thanksgiving, then Christmas... pretty good string of happy events.
On a side note, I juiced a PUMPKIN and despite Boyfriend's nay saying it wasn't that bad... it wasn't greeeat, but it really wasn't that bad. I also roasted the seeds and they were DELICIOUS. I'm serious. I like pumpkin seeds from the store, but these were phenomenal. Pretty much the tastiest thing I'd had all week. Do yourself a favor and go buy a small pumpkin... any old pumpkin will do actually... take the seeds and put them in a bowl, pour a tablespoon or so of olive oil, add some salt then roast them in a toaster oven or regular over for about 45 minutes until about half of them are a warm brown color... then take them out... they will be phenomenal. :)
Also might I suggest a tasty MANGO instead of something full of sugar, milk, cream, fat and other things your body doesn't need. Fruit is a better desert than anything in the world.
9.19.2007
On plants and love...
The plants are growing. It is amazing how their small green hands reach up without anyone ever telling them to do so. The oleander, which I had not wasted any hope on, is like a new plant. You would never know this chaotic green living thing, with disorganized leaves sprouting from every imaginable piece of bark, you'd never know it was the dead pile of sticks I reluctantly re-potted last week... doubting it would grow. And now a cacophony of green, so brilliant. I love it...
It reminds me of love...
You are so withered, so tired of trying. You're pretty sure you'll give up on the whole concept all together; as far as you can tell the idea of it seems pretty useless... then someone comes along and you resist hoping because you know what it has done to you before... to hope and then have that hope crushed... but pale and beautiful this thing pushes on. Surging until it is wildly out of your control... growing growing, spreading out its limbs and consuming you, and now it's vibrant and pulsing. You become simply the host body to this organic entity now inhabiting the dry husk you carried around. No! Now you are really alive.
This is love. This is planting and growing and nature.
We can't help it. And I love that it happens without ever being told to happen. I tried once to really make myself love someone and it ended in disaster, as most forced things do. No, you really really can't help what you feel or who you love, and most of the time we can't say why we love either. And hope comes burgeoning in even when you stomp it down.
I want to read love letters. I want to read love letters, please. I want to understand the humanity that is in all of us... that every person feels this burning passion... I want letters from 90 year old men written to their sweethearts when they were young. I want naughty letters of passion to lovers and mistresses. I want sweet simple letters. I want the confused letters of someone who doesn't know they love this person, or thinks they still do. I have been looking for these for some time now. I want to read them all because I want to see what we share in common.
It is amazing to me that you do not have to be rich, or live some fairy tale life to be the proud owner of the world's most highly sought commodity. It is amazing to me that driving down the road I can glance at every car I see and wonder to myself, what is their story? And every couple has some story of how they met and their first kiss and the first time they made love. Every person can tell about the love that stopped the sun. And it is theirs. We all feel our love OUR LOVE is the most amazing thing, the most intimate and earth-shaking love... I want to hear a thousand stories that all declare the same thing...
It reminds me of love...
You are so withered, so tired of trying. You're pretty sure you'll give up on the whole concept all together; as far as you can tell the idea of it seems pretty useless... then someone comes along and you resist hoping because you know what it has done to you before... to hope and then have that hope crushed... but pale and beautiful this thing pushes on. Surging until it is wildly out of your control... growing growing, spreading out its limbs and consuming you, and now it's vibrant and pulsing. You become simply the host body to this organic entity now inhabiting the dry husk you carried around. No! Now you are really alive.
This is love. This is planting and growing and nature.
We can't help it. And I love that it happens without ever being told to happen. I tried once to really make myself love someone and it ended in disaster, as most forced things do. No, you really really can't help what you feel or who you love, and most of the time we can't say why we love either. And hope comes burgeoning in even when you stomp it down.
I want to read love letters. I want to read love letters, please. I want to understand the humanity that is in all of us... that every person feels this burning passion... I want letters from 90 year old men written to their sweethearts when they were young. I want naughty letters of passion to lovers and mistresses. I want sweet simple letters. I want the confused letters of someone who doesn't know they love this person, or thinks they still do. I have been looking for these for some time now. I want to read them all because I want to see what we share in common.
It is amazing to me that you do not have to be rich, or live some fairy tale life to be the proud owner of the world's most highly sought commodity. It is amazing to me that driving down the road I can glance at every car I see and wonder to myself, what is their story? And every couple has some story of how they met and their first kiss and the first time they made love. Every person can tell about the love that stopped the sun. And it is theirs. We all feel our love OUR LOVE is the most amazing thing, the most intimate and earth-shaking love... I want to hear a thousand stories that all declare the same thing...
9.13.2007
All these things that I have done...
This week I quit smoking with my amazing boyfriend. The last cigarette I had was Sunday night after having things come crashing down, as things are wont to do. I am past the physical addiction part, and except for biting my lip a lot, I think I'm doing ok on that front. The sad thing is, I WANT them. Want want want.
But I've come this realization lately about being responsible with my body. It's the only one I've got after all. Having a high incidence of cancer in my family, the probability is that one of us kids will have it someday. I know there is nothing I can do to stop cancer, but I can make better decisions about the things I put in my body.
So cigarette smoke, with all its cadmium and carbon monoxide, and who knows what else, that's not a responsible thing to do with my body. It's out.
Also this week I have begun tapering down the processed foods I put into my body as I prepare for a 2 week "raw food" detox. I am 2 days in without eating a processed food but I know I'll eat some this weekend when Boyfriend is in town. That's ok. The real detox begins Monday morning, with the only meats being either eggs or fish, and the rest of my diet consisting of whole grains and rice and fresh/steamed/juiced veggies and fruits. I'm excited about this.
I am leaning towards vegetarianism... more on that later I suppose.
Another thing this week was the planting. My son, who is by far the most beautiful person I know, has been wanting to plant something for a while now. So this weekend we went to the store and I let him choose what type of seeds he wanted, explaining the different kinds and what would grow if we planted it. He picked flowers. Bachelor's Buttons. They are already growing, and tonight I will take him one of the pots so he can have some growing at his dad's house as well as here.
Also I wrote and wrote and wrote and got some of the hurt out. And we laughed. I laughed with my mom, and my brother, and my dad, and my boyfriend, and my best friend, and my son, and friends who called, and I think I even laughed with a stranger this week. It is good for you.
I also made a book for Boyfriend as a reward. He found a cigarette in his car and threw it away instead of smoking it. So I made him a book. When I get a chance I'll take pictures and post them on here. It's really adorable, and I feel like I'm doing something closer to what I was made to do than when I sit and process payments all day. We were made to love and be loved after all.
But I've come this realization lately about being responsible with my body. It's the only one I've got after all. Having a high incidence of cancer in my family, the probability is that one of us kids will have it someday. I know there is nothing I can do to stop cancer, but I can make better decisions about the things I put in my body.
So cigarette smoke, with all its cadmium and carbon monoxide, and who knows what else, that's not a responsible thing to do with my body. It's out.
Also this week I have begun tapering down the processed foods I put into my body as I prepare for a 2 week "raw food" detox. I am 2 days in without eating a processed food but I know I'll eat some this weekend when Boyfriend is in town. That's ok. The real detox begins Monday morning, with the only meats being either eggs or fish, and the rest of my diet consisting of whole grains and rice and fresh/steamed/juiced veggies and fruits. I'm excited about this.
I am leaning towards vegetarianism... more on that later I suppose.
Another thing this week was the planting. My son, who is by far the most beautiful person I know, has been wanting to plant something for a while now. So this weekend we went to the store and I let him choose what type of seeds he wanted, explaining the different kinds and what would grow if we planted it. He picked flowers. Bachelor's Buttons. They are already growing, and tonight I will take him one of the pots so he can have some growing at his dad's house as well as here.
Also I wrote and wrote and wrote and got some of the hurt out. And we laughed. I laughed with my mom, and my brother, and my dad, and my boyfriend, and my best friend, and my son, and friends who called, and I think I even laughed with a stranger this week. It is good for you.
I also made a book for Boyfriend as a reward. He found a cigarette in his car and threw it away instead of smoking it. So I made him a book. When I get a chance I'll take pictures and post them on here. It's really adorable, and I feel like I'm doing something closer to what I was made to do than when I sit and process payments all day. We were made to love and be loved after all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
