Of this and that

I am discontentment.
I am perfect peace.

How can I just sit here and let things happen to me? I want to do. I want to be creating and making and using my hands. I want reams of paper to fill. I want paints that make colors and magic and brushes that simply act as an extension of my brain. I want fabrics to sew and monsters to make.

I am tired of this waiting I've been doing.

I want to read things that inspire me again. I want to push myself. I push my hair into a mohawk because, today, it wants to stand on end. And I let it do that. But really I want to run my fingers through it and then cut pieces of it off, snip snip snip, until they make it sometime somewhere something... else.

I am eating no animals. I am putting no toxins in my body, except the ones doctors feed to me. The ones that cause me to go back to the hospital in shock. Oxygen. I needed oxygen. No more.

This lethargy is unacceptable. I moon over the leaving of my home and the distance from my lover. I listen to music and try to find the thing that resonates. I am on the verge of falling back to this and that, or leaping forward.

2007, in 1000 words or less (aka Year "WTF")

January
started my last quarter of school
got pneumonia & went to the hospital
had to drop out of school from missing 3 weeks
February
struggled to keep my job
health was still bad
struggled to keep my apartment
lonely
mom has cancer
Started catching up with Ryan again
March
quit my job
quit my life to move in with parents
FINALLY got divorced (after nearly 2.5 years of separation)
Boi's
April
Mom has surgery
Start talking to Faythe again
Find out Dave is pretty cool
May
Sister gets sick & goes to hospital
Odd jobs
getting bored
Ryan is mesmerizing
June
I have a crush
I break the rules and say the LIKE word
life is rough around here
July
I have a real boyfriend for the first time since high school
the 4th would have been 5 years
Mom's a lot better
August
First Dallas trip...
We drop the L-bomb
Texans
September
Beau turns 4 (impossible)
Minor nipple problems
He comes here
October
Halloween
More Dallas time
November
Hospital for the boob x2
I turn 24
The Thanksgiving Incident
I'm in love
December
I have cancer for 12 days
I spend most of this time with Boyfriend
Fly to Philly
Get an apartment
I know what I want
New Year's kiss

For Being Wrong

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

for being wrong.

I don't know what it is. I don't care. It's not... NOT... NNNNOOOTTT cancer. I'm about 99.9% positive. There is still a sliver of doubt in my mind because they still don't know what it is... and when you have 3 doctors say Yes, this looks like cancer, I think it's cancer it makes it really hard to just believe.

But I do believe... that sometimes life blossoms from mistakes. Sometimes life turns into something beautiful when you're wrong.